Did you choose the correct "Board" for the boot loader you're using?
Yeah, I switched the board type on each OS to Duemilanove w/ATMega328 . In fact to rule it out, I had tried it with EVERY board type that has an ATMega328 with no luck.
What command line are you using? And what operating system?
Nothing from the command line, that is the output in the Arduino IDE at the bottom when I click shift+upload. This is happening on both Ubuntu (using built in kernel drivers) and Windows (using latest drivers from FTDI site). What do you mean by it's "name"/how do I find that out (on either windows or linux?). Is this different form the COM port assignment?